If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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