Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
