dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
