somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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