Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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