Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
