He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
