I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
