me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
These tits shall not be calmed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
