Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize