Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize