i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
