He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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