i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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