Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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