I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize