Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
