It's like God shit irony all over that family
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
