Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
