You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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