Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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