The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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