I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
