break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
