Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
