What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
