Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You were trust falling into bushes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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