there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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