I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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