Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
