I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
