my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize