Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize