just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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