u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
