haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
