I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
