hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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