His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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