Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
