I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
