Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you still have your period?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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