No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
