i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize