She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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