i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
