I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
