i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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