Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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