Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
