Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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