I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
