gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
