cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i dont even know how to be here
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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