How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
