im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize