Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You can't special order awesome
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
