Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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