Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
