i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
