every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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