Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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