Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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