apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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