i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
