It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
