Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did i walk over a car last night?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
