reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
