if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
