I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
