i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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