He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
