I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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