So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
