I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Text me some of your sweat
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize