He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
