She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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