I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
