yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
