no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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