I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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