I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
