Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
