I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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