I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
