i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
