Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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