I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
