Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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