he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
