We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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