Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
