i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
