Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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