Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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