you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
