I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
