Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
